It’s Thursday, amateur boxing night. The scene – BB Kings. The opponents - the NYC firefighters and the Dublin Firefights. There’s a dozen beers on tap, any kind of mixed drink you’d like, and the night is young.

            The first fight was a rather painful one. One guy was a lanky albino-looking guy who looked like he hadn’t reached puberty, and yet was already thinning on top.  He went by “Flash” and while there was no doubt the guy was quick, his aim wasn’t exactly accurate. The other fighter, “Brick” actually looked like a brick. He was a whole head shorter than “Flash” and what was his head was more of a red rectangular mass with pig eyes and a red nose poking out. With every hit, his arm flab would jiggle, flailing out as if having their own little brawl. It reminded me of that commercial for Jenny Craig when the woman goes from 250 to 150 pounds and jumps for happiness to prove her newly acquired agility -- only to have her arm flab bouncing up right with her and finally settling with a rubbery jiggle around her sides. The fight ended unceremoniously with Flash socking Brick squarely in his face – giving him a bloody nose.

            The second fight had less bloodshed. Both guys looked about equal in size – “Buffalo Bill” was a freckle-faced red head, a jolly looking fellow with visible rolls around his middle. His opponent, “T-Bone” looked like he might have been a physics professor in another life. He had a dark brooding figure and a particularly prominent double (triple?) chin. Their fight started off rather friendly – too friendly, in fact, because neither guy had managed to get in a good hit by the middle of round two. By round three, the guys behind me were finishing their third round of beers and getting antsy. One guy  yells out, “C mon! Knock out that fat ass!!” and my friend retorts with, “Which one?!”

Out of the 11 matches, the best one was fight number 9, the only one that was between two girls. One of them, “Pixie” was actually a Golden Glove boxer - really cut, in great shape. She had quick, accurate hits, knew how to defend herself. She easily won all three rounds. When she took off her mouthpiece and headgear, revealing waist length blonde hair and a dazzling white smile, some guy in the audience whistled. “She’s hot too!” My friend pokes me. “Yea,” he says under his breath. “I’ll let her knock me out anytime.” Then he turns to me with a wide grin on his face, “What do you think? Can you take her down in a fight? She’s about your size.”

“Ummm.. I guess so.” The idea of putting on one of those helmets and slugging it out in a ring, surrounded by a bunch of heckling drunks sounded as appealing at a broken pelvis.

“Yea, well, worse case, she’ll just pin you down and you two can have a couple rounds on the floor. What do you think of that?”

“Well, what you think of wresting Brick?”

His smile turned sour. “I think I’d rather wax my balls.”