| | I’m visiting my parents for the long weekend, and the inevitable happens in the first few hours. There is of course the initial small talk (“How was your flight? Did you get to nap? I hope you didn’t sit next to a fatty”), but then there is the Spanish Inquisition. It starts off easy with questions that I can answer. How is work going? (fine) How is your health (implying, I hope you don't intake more calories from alcohol than vegetables?) Do you sleep well? (Yes, but I still talk in my sleep) Have you been studying for your GMATs? (no), Finally, when the easy ones have run out, it becomes When are you going to buy your own house (read: next door to us?) and When am I going to see my first grandchild? These last two questions always floor me, because I think she expects them to be executed simultenously. I mean, I’ve always been great at multitasking, but even this I don’t think I can pull off. For the house, I would need seed money. Lots of it. And for the child, well, I would just need seeds.
But I can be aggressively ambitious if she wanted me to be. I can give it my best effort to get it all done at the same time. I picture myself, at 24 years old, in a gray office as a day-trader. I am bent over my desk placing a limit order and doing the nasty at the same time. (Or, rather, someone is doing it to me). “Yes, oh, do it, harder baby, harder” (here I type in the stock quote)… “Faster, harder, oh you know I like it like that” (hitting the “Place Order” button)… “Baby, I’m coming, oh oh oh!” (The screen flashes “Order Executed.”)
So either I will complete everything in the meager amount of time my mother has allotted, or someday I will have to tell my poor kid, oh yes, your father and I were very romantic with each other. In fact, you were conceived in front of a Bloomberg terminal during a market rally. I made $80 grand in about 40 minutes – about the time it took Daddy to finish putting you inside me. |
| | Posted 5/26/2009 4:09 PM - 69 Views - 4 eProps - 2 comments
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